cruelqueen:
-To say she was surprised when Gumshoe wrapped his arms around her would be an understatement. She wasn’t expecting anything like that and when it happened, she didn’t know what to do. But she didn’t push him away or tell him to stop—she knew that wouldn’t help anyone and he was only trying to help her. Her widened eyes softened and she gave a calm exhale while listening to his words. It was nice to say those things, and she knew that he meant them, but it’s hard to believe otherwise when you have been telling yourself it’s all your fault for years.
The hug tightened a bit when Gumshoe finished and for a good ten, maybe fifteen, minutes nothing was said. Angel didn’t know what to say anyway, she had no clue what could be acceptable in this sort of situation. She took in small breaths and eventually her hands came to pat at Gumshoe’s shoulders to show she needed to breathe a bit. Hesitantly, they parted a bit and Angel couldn’t seem to look at his eyes for a moment. She didn’t cry, she had cried so much earlier that she wasn’t capable of crying anymore. It had dried up.
With a smooth exhale before her words, Angel spoke. Her tone was calm and a little sad but it was even.-
I really shouldn’t blame myself—but this is something I’ve come to accept. If I had been the interrogator then Neil would still be alive. If I had gotten there a moment sooner, then I would’ve caught Gant then. But I didn’t. It’s true that Gant is a bad person and what he did was absolutely unacceptable and hateful—but how am I any less of a bad person for neglecting the life I was allowed to give and attempting to end it? I can’t say I’m as good a person as you say I am knowing that I did that.
-Even though her voice is strangely calm, her hands are quivering. Every time she has to remember what she did, this happens and she can’t stop it. The guilt is physically getting to her and she can’t stop it. It’s eating her up inside and Angel clasps her hands together in an attempt to stop their shaking.-
[Gumshoe sat back and listens quietly, growing more and more upset as she talked. It isn’t fair, it isn’t fair at all that she felt the way she did. Angel is such a wonderful person - strong, and beautiful, and sweet - that seeing her beat herself up over SL-9 just broke his heart. He sees her hands shake, and wants to cover them with his own, a gesture of assurance and comfort, nothing more…but he doesn’t.]
Well…that’s just not how it worked out, pal. You can’t change the past. If it was that easy, a lot of good people wouldn’t be dead right now. Like Mr. Edgeworth’s dad, and Neil, and well…a whole bunch of people. But it didn’t happen that way, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Being sad and guilty isn’t helping anybody, pal, especially not you.
[He twiddled his thumbs nervously, keeping his eyes on his lap.]
And uh…for what it’s worth, pal…I’m really glad you didn’t…that…what you tried to do didn’t work either.
I guess I understand where you’re coming from though. I mean, if you had… (shoot, I can’t even say it.) if you weren’t here right now, I’d probably beat myself up about it every day. For not being there. I should probably say I’m sorry about that, too, cuz I am. I’m really sorry I wasn’t around, pal. Maybe if I had been, you wouldn’t have…tried to do that thing.
[He looks up, smiling bashfully at Angel.]
I think it’s okay to be sad that he’s gone. Neil was a good guy, and a real good prosecutor, pal. Mr. Marshall used to tell me all kinds of stories about him when we worked together. Like once, he told me he was chasing down a bank robber, and he lassoed the guy and caught him! I couldn’t ever see anyone like Mr. Edgeworth doing that, pal! Not a lot of prosecutors would go after a bad guy the way he did.
[He chuckles.]
Maybe it was just in his nature to chase folks down like that. Maybe if you had been interrogating Darke, it wouldn’t have changed anything at all. You’ll never know for sure, pal. Telling yourself you could have changed what happened to Neil is only hurting you though.
Source:
loyal-fool
